Day One: Define your values (AoM suggests listing five).
Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and soldier on.
Psychology Today Magazine.
Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences.
American Psychological Society.
When life hands you lemons say "Oh yeah, I like lemons, what else have you got?".
Henry Rollins
Many years ago, as a Governor of a primary school, I took part in a group exercise which sought to facilitate the governing body and wider school ‘family’ in writing a vision or mission statement. Key in this process was thinking about the type of children that we wanted to mould, what would we like teachers at the schools to which our students were going to say about them? How would we want them to be described? In our groups we talked about the various characteristics that we valued in the children – kindness, courage, being hard working, friendliness. My choice of attributes was resilience and this was remarked upon as unusual by some of my colleagues. Perhaps it was just that resilience doesn’t spring instantly to mind when thinking about five to eleven year olds. But maybe it’s also that to consider the most important characteristic that children can develop to be the ability to take that which life regularly throws at us, and to shrug it off and thrive takes a degree of pessimism about the world. And not a small amount of misanthropy when considering the actions and motives of our fellow humans.
Looking back I stand behind my choice and, over the last ten years, I feel that I’ve deepened my understanding of resilience through experience; my own and that of others whom I know or have met.
There is always a fly in the ointment. Once you are reconciled to this fact and accept it as unavoidable certainty, life will throw you fewer curve balls.
Resilience is my first value.
For my second value I choose loyalty. I have been unfortunate to experience the disloyalty of someone to whom I had shown great loyalty, someone who I had defended to others when I wasn't convinced of their actions myself. Someone who had thought enough of me to share very personal events in their life, difficult things. Someone for whom I had appeared in a legal setting in order to give evidence to support their case. This person knew what they'd done, to the point that when they had to meet with me they made sure that there were two people between us; now that's cowardice - the opposite of value three.
Two is Loyalty, Three is Courage.
In the words of a song, I'm not a coward I've just never been tested, I'd like to think that if I was I would pass. I've been tested a little bit on occasion in the past and I hope that I acquitted myself reasonably. I've often thought that courage is the ability to do the right thing even (especially?) when it scares you to do so. I'd like to think that I try to stick to this.
The fourth value is Compassion.
Compassion for others, whether we know them or not, whether we like them or not. Whether it's easy to feel compassion for them or very, very difficult. Whether we love them or find them repulsive, whether we can empathise with their plight or think that their circumstances are their own fault. When I think about it, for me, compassion that we demonstrate is a reflection of ourselves not of those to whom we're compassionate. Looked at this way compassion is not a selfless value.
Compassion for ourselves - not beating ourselves up for what we have or haven't done. Do it right next time instead. I hope we're all get more right than wrong every day. I think we probably are as most of us are still here. Just about.
Finally, the ability to Wonder.
When we lose the ability to experience the wonder of new things, of old things presented in different ways or that we had forgotten. The wonder of small things as well as momentous occasions. Keep an open mind.
Day two: Shine your Shoes
Now, this one was super easy. Every self respecting Skinhead knows the importance of a shiny pair of boots. I actually like shining my boots and shoes and even take pride in shining the kids shoes (sad git). So, with a bit of Dr Marten's Wonder Balsam task two was achieved with a smile.
Day Three: Find a Mentor
I thought I'd take a slightly different approach to this, I didn't think that I could find a mentor in one day. The task made me think about all the people who I've known over the years who I would regard as having been a mentor for greater or lesser periods of time. It also made me think that, although I tend to try to think about people as 'good' or 'bad', it's generally shades of grey (as my good friend - one time mentor? - Graeme would say). Most people let you down at some point, or show a side that we don't like, air a view that we don't agree with, like a shit band (unforgivable).
It also made me think of the old Zen/Martial Arts adage - When the student is ready, the master will appear. Lots of people have taken prominent roles in my life when I've been ready to hear what they had to say, when it would make the most difference.
So Day Three is dedicated to the man who discussed weight lifting and the importance of squats with me and checked how I was getting on when I bumped in to him every so often. To everyone who's not just showed me how to build or fix something, but in doing so given me the confidence to try. To the man who gave me a way of relating to the world and the behaviour of my fellow humans that made sense. To the woman who showed me how to understand and work with people to try and help them even when they, their lives and their addictions seemed to thwart us both at every turn. To the man conquers his own demons and persists in martial arts in part to help others. To the woman who showed me what compassion looks like through caring for others when everyone else had given up and turned away. To.... well, there's a lot of people who have mentored me in some way.
Finally, when I was thinking about this task I thought about my dad. I came to the conclusion that although he has essentially mentored me for nearly forty two years, he's not a mentor. He's way, way more than that. He's my father, and that needs a category all on its own.
Day Four: Increase your Testosterone
If like me you're in the hinterland between youth and middle age, you'll know what it's like to feel your life essence ebbing away (not that I'm melodramatic or anything). Testosterone is a big part of who we are - both women and men - and it could be said that this little hormone has helped shape the world, for better and worse.
I'm not going to get in to the pros and cons of testosterone, you can read Anthony Clare's excellent book 'On Men' for that. But even if we note T's part in maintaining healthy mood we can agree that halting the inevitable decline that accompanies aging would be a good thing. So here's my recipe all of which I did on day four:
Good fats:
I use coconut oil in cooking. I take high strength omega 3, quite a lot of it.
Protein:
Protein:
Eggs, fish, whey, nuts (good fats), Quorn. Yum.
Resistance training:
Resistance training:
I lift twice a week, one day press and squat, one day deadlift and bench. Jim Wendler's 5/3/1 or Dan John's Simpler Strength are my favourite programmes. Both days rows or pulls or snatches, plus swings.
Sleep:
Sleep:
I don't often get good quality sleep, I have some apnoea that can often leave me feeling markedly worse on waking. I go to bed as early as I can and I have mastered the art of napping (so, so good). I also take...
ZMA
Which seems to help with sleep and also increases T as of itself - or so some evidences shows.
I'd never do anabolic steroids - that seems to be accruing a larger debt that'll need paying off later on - but anything that I can do - that's got an evidence base - to naturally increase my free circulating testosterone, I'll give it a go.
So that's my first four days down. It's interesting and it's certainly giving me food for thought and an incentive to write. Whether I'll be all the better for it though...
